I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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