I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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