Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
