All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
