He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
