i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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