i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?