Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted