marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.