Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.