remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize