Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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