That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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