I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
