So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
