I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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