I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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