my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He better not be in your backpack
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
