have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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