I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
