I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize