Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
