I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.