the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?