well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
