The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His hands were made for my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize