Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
