so explain again why im purple
no
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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