You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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