Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
