you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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