you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
