dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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