I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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