Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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