the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
