I didn't shave. On purpose
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
