Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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