Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
