I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
