I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
