I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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