No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.