the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.