So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?