Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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