Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
