Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My breasts were aching with rage.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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