Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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