just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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