remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
