why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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