I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
