It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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