1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My ass is underappreciated
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize