there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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