you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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Found your dick twin last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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